Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
