Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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