The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
