my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
