Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
