What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
