i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
