you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
