just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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