im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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