I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
