I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
