I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
