She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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