last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
