Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
