When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
