i wish peter jackson would direct porn
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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