Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is an emotional support booty call
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
