After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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