he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
