oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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