birth control should be required to get into college
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
