How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
