Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
