I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
