Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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