Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
