Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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