Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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