are you still at the devil's house?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
