I got chris browned last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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