I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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