How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
