he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
