Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
