I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize