I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
