I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
