turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
