I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
