ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
