Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
