Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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