capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize