I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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