I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
