She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize