When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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