okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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