And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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