Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
