she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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