that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
