Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
