Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
