1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
