I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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