I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
