my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
