I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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