bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
