You work out of a Hotel?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
