He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
