so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
