I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dick very happy bro
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
