dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
